(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Testo

[TRACY]Well, I brought my own '45s,' so if you put 'em on, I'll show you my stuff!
[LOU ANN]
Haven't you already shown us enough?
[The Council Girls snicker.]
[VELMA]
Oh my god
How times have changed
This girl's either blind
Or completely deranged
Ah, but time seemed to halt
When I was 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'
Childhood dreams
For me were cracked
When that damn shirley temple
Stole my frickin' act
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'
Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their 'cups'
But I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Not a chance!
Cause I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting high 'c's
And preparing souffles!
But that triple somersault
Was how I clinched 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'!
[VELMA]
Proceed...
[TAMMY]
Are you scared we're on live?
[TRACY]
No, I'm sure I can cope!
[AMBER]
Well, this show isn't broadcast
in...
[COUNCIL GIRLS]
...Cinemascope!
[VELMA]
I never drank one chocolate malt
No, no desserts for 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'
[SHELLEY]
How many sweaters do you own?
[TRACY]
Well, I'm sure I've got plenty
Let's see, I have three...five?...
Wait, I have twenty!!
[VELMA]
I would say 'oy gevalt'
If I wasn't 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'!
A tycoon I wed
So cuddly and funny
The old fart dropped dead
But left tons of money
So I bought this station
[VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS]
So all of the nation
Could see
[VELMA]
Baby amber and me!
[AMBER]
Do you dance like you dress?
[LINK]
Amber, there's no need to be cruel!
[VELMA]
Would you swim in an integrated pool?
The Council Members gasp.J
[TRACY]
I sure would. I'm all for
integration, it's The New
Frontier!
[VELMA]
Not in Baltimore it isn't! And may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!
And so, my dear, so short and stout
You'll never be 'in'
[VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS]
So we're kicking you out!
[VELMA]
You can't get past me kid
But it isn't your fault
[VELMA & COUNCIL MEMBERS]
It's hard to get rid of 'Miss Baltimore...
[VELMA]
...Crabs!'
You may go.
[TRACY]
Um... thank you?
[PENNY]
Gee Tracy, that went well!
[Li'l Inez runs on.]
[LI'L INEZ]
Hello Ma'am, may I please
audition?
[VELMA]
No, but you can bow and exalt!
'Cause I was 'Miss Baltimore...
[VELMA & THE COUNCIL MEMBERS]
...Crabs'!
Crabs, Crabs!!!