Australian Idol Testo

I was having a bad week  I crashed the car and the cat carked itWeighed myself outside Woolies and I'd put on 4 kilos
Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out  told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?
She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath. And looked into my eyes and she said:
You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you don't win, you'll have a great time.
Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel
They're even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.
I said Thanks, I feel a lot better now'
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didn't know how much we'd grown apart.
The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub
Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
It's nearly the final of Australian Idol and
You should go on Australian Idol
You're much prettier than her  she looks like a pudding
You'll win it no worries love' said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.
And don't get me wrong  if I turn on the tv and it's on
I can't stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
They're crying in their 5-star hotel, and I'm cackling on my cack-brown couch
And it's not that I am jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover
Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy
Singing that really annoying song by Craig David.
Suddenly I rose to my feet  it must have been divine intervention
I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed!
Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!)
Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus!
I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar
Or better still just change to SBS.
You better believe it  I changed to SBS
So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is
Shove it up your ass!